How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There’s nothing wrong with needing to rip your spouse’s clothing off on a whim (it might definitely make for a sexy relationship), but whether or not there is a deeper romance will determine the commitment level. Understanding the difference between lust and love will help you better understand exactly how romantically involved you imagine being to get the long term with your companion. And, what is more, it’ll give you a great idea of how they impact you and exactly how to feel regarding her or his weaknesses.

As a licensed health coach I work with individuals on feeling fulfilled with their relationships, regardless of what that really stands for. In some cases, people are just after lust, or rather an intimate (often mostly physical) relationship that is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Consider: You can’t keep your hands off each other when. But , usually there is less of a link beyond the physical (you’re sort of dating the body, instead of the individual inside it). Contrarily, a relationship built on love is going to have a significance, as there’s understanding and an affection there. No matter what you looking for, both can be quite satisfying the long-term result will fluctuate. Here are 9 ways to tell the difference between love and lust .

You Have Meaningful Conversation

According to Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, over email with Bustle, in case you are finding a deeper level of communication, then there’s likely a love there. “When there’s depth to the relationship, beyond just physical attraction, that is a good sign that there is love. You are able to have meaningful conversations, speak about your dreams for your own relationship, learn more about each other’s interests and family history,” Rabbi Slatkin explains.


“If you end up romantically and sexually aroused by them, but don’t have any interest in the mental and other non-sexual facets of the relationship, then it likely is just lust,” says David Bennett, a licensed advisor and dating pro to Bustle.

You’re Still Invested In Them Despite Bad Sex

If you are suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your partner, or you do not enjoy her or his style in bed, but you still wish to stay together for a slew of other reasons, it is probably because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a relationship that’s deeper than merely sexual attraction, and is emotional as well as intellectual, and lasts even when you could be struggling to connect intimately with your partner,” says Bennett.

You Have Fantasies About Them

“Lust is typically compound, primal and firmly physical. It usually involves idealization and fantasy about the person,” says Stacy Kaiser, Live Happy Editor At Large and certified psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love tends to be calmer and quieter. It requires more time to develop and feels more like an emotional and mental bond than a physical or chemical one,” Kaiser adds.

You are Obsessive

“Lust and the early phases of a relationship involve the dependence center of your brain, which can be fed from the hormones that surge through you each time you see or think about the object of your dreams,” says Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you are always looking to get a ‘fix’ of your partner then you’re most likely still in the lust phase. If you’re able to go a while without contact and aren’t continually thinking about them then you’ve moved to the love or attachment phase,” Archard describes.

You Believe Grounded About Them

“Love is deep seated feeling. Enjoy is layered. When you love someone you take the entire package. view website wish to get to know them. You care about them and look after their health,” says Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Melissa Divaris Thompson, to Bustle. Generally speaking, you will be enthusiastic about peeling back those layers.

You’re Doing More “Couple” Matters

“By the time enjoy happens, couples are generally moving in with them, purchasing a house, moving up the career ladder, and thinking of children. So they have a lot more pressure happening in their lifetime, which helps to kill (or even slow down) lust,” explains Cath Hakanson, sex educator and creator of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You are Focused On Getting Everything You Need

Following is a key difference: Lust is about getting what you want (maybe some hot sex) , while love is more concerning enduring the relationship and giving on a partner, explains Author & dating coach, Brian Taylor, to Bustle. Think about where your mind is and it’s going help determine whether you are feeling lust or love.

You Don’t Feel Safe To Open Up

“If you truly feel safe to share your feelings on your relationship, and you also feel accepted despite your flaws, it is likely love. Should more tips here feel you either can not or do not want to share your feelings and be emotionally vulnerable in your relationship, then it is likely lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Relationship Center of Silicon Valley, states above email with Bustle.

If you notice any of these differences popping up in your relationship, you’ll definitely get a few signals to understand the difference. When it’s aligned with what you need, that is great. If not, it’s time.

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